How to Build a Relationship with the Deities
As someone who has been in a serious, deep relationship with a diety for some time, I'd like to share my thoughts about invoking the Hindu Gods and Goddesses. First of all, I know what you are thinking - this will not be a post about cultural appropriation, as I don't believe you can steal something that no one owns. People can be disrespectful, though, when we act like the deities are something for us to gain something from.
The deities are not still, dormant energies waiting for you to call on them like a genie in a bottle when you want something. They are a dynamic pulse flowing within and through you, waiting for the resonance or chord to hit when the time is right to start building a relationship. Not every deity will be in your life all the time. There might be times in our lives when the energy of a specific deity could be called on, and it's up to us to attune to that invitation. For example Kali called me long before I was ready or knew much about her, but I kept her name in the back of my mind for a while before the time was right for me to start engaging. However, there are other Goddesses, like Saraswati or Parvati, that I am yet to feel pulled toward, but maybe I will as my life evolves. So it's not all about you and when you want them in your life. They aren't just waiting around when your life becomes chaotic, and you need help. Like any good friend, they are meant to build a relationship so that the connection is already there when the time comes (they exist beyond time and space). If you need help, you won't seek out a random stranger for support. You would call your best friend, or someone you know could best support you at that time based on your existing relationship.
An example that I see often is Lakshmi. Lakshmi's complexities and depth (like most things in Yoga) have been diluted down to make her known as the Goddess of abundance (she is so much more than that!). So when someone is feeling the pinch and needs money, bookings, whatever, they call on Lakshmi, as if she will magically bring them abundance from nowhere. Where is the reciprocity in that? This one-sided, ego-centric "engagement" perpetuates the idea that deities are there for us to gain something. It is also a convenient way to bypass tending to the real issue (in this example, someone's relationship to money and value).
What the deities, and all beings for that matter, want is reciprocity. If all you do is take from others, no matter what energetic realm they exist in, the relationship won't last long. If you need support from Lakshmi, how will you support Her? If you want Her to change your frequency and help open your eyes, how do you repay Her? (if you need some inspiration, go to India or Bali and see how they pay respects to the Gods). It doesn't need to be a literal gesture, like an offering (although it can be). The possibilities open up if you are willing to open to the world in the subtle, unseen realms.
For example, in my ever-evolving relationship with Kali (which 100% started as take, take, take, but she was patient with me), I feel it is moving towards a more balanced relationship. I use her name, identity, energy and values as the guiding vision for my business. In return, I pray to her every morning, ask her permission on what I do in the space, listen to her ideas and try my best to stay aligned with her values. On this note, I will say - I don't ask aloud, "hey Kali, is this cool to run this workshop in the studio?" and hear a booming "yes!" or "no!". Kali lives inside; Her energy is in my blood. To connect to this pulse, I must quiet my mind, ask the question internally and wait for a response in my heart or gut. And I promise you, if I don't ask or listen in - she reveals the answers in ways that I can't miss, like constant struggles with this pretend workshop, a loss of money from it, technical issues etc. (and goodness, do I have stories to tell!).
SO! It's not all about you. My life has changed because of my relationship with Kali, and yours can be, too (with the appropriate energy). But you must see that not everything in life is up to you. A diety might call that you don't think you're ready for or that doesn't seem exciting to you. But when they call, you can't ignore them (they are much wiser than you, my friend). How do you know they are calling? You'll feel it. You'll see their name or image a few times. You might hear a story about them and feel pulled to know more. A friend might point one out, or maybe you pull their card or something "random." Consider starting a new relationship and seeing who presents themselves. Please don't force or rush; these things may take years. Once a portal opens up for you, my next suggestion would be to get quiet and ask, "what would you like from me?" or "what can I do for you?" and see what unfolds. Keep them in your heart - not your head - as that's where they live. Doing an online quiz, having someone assign a deity to you or choosing the most alluring God/Goddess will not work (unless you want their shadow side, of course!). Pay them more respect than that, and trust they are powerful enough to get your attention when the time is right.
My last suggestion is that when they come into your life and you into theirs, try not to read too much about what other people have to say. Books can be great resources, but I suggest finding a mantra and an image that calls to you and just working with that at the start. Trust your intuition and the energy of this powerful being are mingling and dancing together somewhere far, far away from your egoic mind. Your psyche can tune into the symbolism and energy of the deity without your ego getting attached to other people's opinions of them or collapsing their complexities.
Keep your heart open, be patient and see what unfolds. Enjoy your dance with the divine!