A New Opening
For many years, I scratched the surface of Yoga. In my late teens and 20s, I wasn't ready for the depth and mysteries of Yoga - it wouldn't have meant much to me because that's not where I was in my life. I didn't respect Yoga as a Tradition. I was more interested in the poses and how they could change my body. The Sutras frustrated me because they didn't explain things properly. The Bhagavad Gita seemed like a nice story, but I didn't see the big deal. The deities sounded fun, and I was curious, but only about what they could do for me, not what I could learn with them. My relationship with Yoga wasn't a relationship at all; it was something to take from to make me a better person.
Now, in my mid 30's, I see Yoga entirely differently. It's like a mother that in my early years, all I needed was to take, take, take. But as I grow up and my life becomes more aware and engaged, I see that there is so much more to Yoga; but it requires reciprocity.
The Sutras were purposefully built to be mysterious so that we, the students, could take a small chunk and sit with it over time to see what unfolds. It was never meant to be read quickly and give us answers. It provides us bite-size bits of wisdom, and we are meant to figure the rest out in a way that interfuses our unique wisdom with it.
The deities are there for us to build a relationship with them. Usually, we are only interested in them when they can do things for us, like create abundance, transformation or strength. Sure, Lakshmi can gift you abundance, but what are you doing for Lakshmi? How long do you think a friend would stick around if all you ever did were call them when you wanted something? I used Kali for many years. I used her image, name, and identity without reciprocity, and she got me for it. Now I know to ask her questions and listen to her ideas. If you think these energies are laying dormant until you want and will show up as you want, you don't understand the world of the unseen.
The postures, breathing techniques, meditations and mantras are also layered. Of course, you can use the poses to become more flexible, but there is a whole lot more to these practices than that (as I'm sure you know). Once we get past the surface of these practices, where many people stay (and if you're a student, that's ok!), we see a unique essence to each pose. By approaching these techniques with curiosity, openness and non-judgement, the moments become more about how you two are unfolding together and less about "what can this pose do for me?". Believe it or not, the essence of the pose, pranayama, mantra or meditation wants to mingle with you and will also be affected by you. Again, it's an unfolding relationship, not a one-sided experience.
Engaging with Yoga in this way has completely changed how I teach and learn. It has granted me a whole new respect and love for this Tradition, and it is only right to continue sharing my passion for Yoga in a way that I now understand it. Although the mainstream is not here (yet), I know it's not in integrity for me to be there anymore. I can't teach 20 hours of philosophy and then give someone a certificate saying they understand the foundations of Yoga. My heart cannot lead people to read the Yoga Sutras in a matter of months. Or break down a pose in minutes. Or feel like I have to defend the use of Sanskrit. Or pretend that 200 hours is anything short of an insult to the depth, complexity and breadth of Yoga.
My invitation is to create an experience where the value of Yoga lives in a person's cells, not a piece of paper that allows them to teach. It's no longer about pumping more students through the system to become teachers. It's about building a relationship with something powerful that I fear is starting to get lost. My call is to be alongside someone while they are uncomfortable not understanding what Sutra 1.2 means and encourage them to use the technical practice, not a translation, to find it out. Or to support someone is learning to give back to a deity instead of taking from them.
I'm not saying it's wrong or bad for someone to use Yoga to stretch their hamstrings. Many people will find huge benefits in the outer layers of Yoga, which is a beautiful thing that I have needed for many years. However, many people will benefit from experiences that go deeper than that. And I know for sure, Yoga will benefit from people wanting to build a lifelong, deep and complex relationship with it.
I hope my new program, Yoga Wisdom Studies, will do the Tradition at least a little bit of justice as we go inwards, slowly and deeply. It is open to everyone, but there is no golden ticket at the end awarding you anything. I intend to support a long-lasting relationship with a tradition worthy of many lifetimes of study.